Newsletter October 2002

"Why haven’t you sent any money? "

It’s about time! The summer has been very hectic and it’s time to return to the sea. I bet you thought this salamander crew of Pipe Dream had crawled up on land, never to return to the water. Well, you were wrong. I know you were thinking Jutta and I went to work! We still can’t remember how to spell the word. This wasn’t the toughest summer on record for us either. Jutta and I spent a month in Europe. It was time I went to visit “Mom” and the fam. Jutta’s family were great and a few actually spoke the proper language, English. I spent a week in Roethenbach just outside of Nuerenberg and then was forced to tour Greece in a motor home with Connie and Otto, Jutta’s sister and brother in law. Who knows, they might be my in laws, if she doesn’t jump ship or get a gentle nudge overboard. See, you thought you had it tough this summer. It wasn’t all fun. I spent a lot of my time reading books while Jutta spoke in German. My Spanish is better known as Spanglish and my four word vocabulary in German is very limited. I did learn how to drink beer, all was not lost. I could devote an entire newsletter and more about our adventures in Greece but that is dry land travel and anyone can do that. I will give you a little hint though, you might start getting Pipe Dream newsletters from the Med in a few years, who knows?

Jutta and I will catch a big silver bird out of LAX the 28th of October, bound for El Salvador and Pipe Dream. For those of you in my home town, Yuma Arizona, LAX is a paved air strip in the city of Los Angeles that “aint got no crop dusters”. The third season in the adventures of Pipe Dream will begin, and we can’t wait. Reality in the U.S.of A. is about to kill us. How do you stand it?

This might come as a surprise to a lot of you, but I have started doing some writing. I’ve given up on spelling, proper vocabulary and sentence structure. Those things are for kids in grade school, I’m above it. Jutta has been published in several places and you know the old song, “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better”, I’m giving it a try. The real reason I’ve started writing is I need the cash. Many of you receiving my newsletters, I mean, all of you, have neglected to send your dollars to the “Help Ferdy Cruising Fund”. Remember, give till it hurts. If you would have sent in your money, I would not have needed to write this trash! I am enclosing a copy of the article for your enjoyment. It’s all about the way Jutta and I met and started our adventure.

How to Find a Cruising Mate
By Ferdy Sant

It’s 2:00AM and I find myself alone in an empty cockpit. The moon is reflecting off the water lighting up my passage, and a million stars twinkling in the heavens are guiding my way to the next port of call. Paco, my trusty autopilot, is steadfast at his post, never faltering from his duty. The gentle noserlies are beating against the bow pulpit trying to slow our forward progress to the next anchorage. The engine purrs like a kitten and drives us onward. Below, in the comfort of our stateroom bed, Jutta, my German first mate, drifts off to sleep and probably dreams of Oktoberfest while trying to recover from the last two hour watch. As I ponder our world problems, the job at hand, and my life of cruising, I think back to the progress I have made, and the obstacles I’ve encountered and overcome, in finding a cruising mate.
It all began about four years ago, the day I received a surprise notification from my wife of 23 years, that she was vacating our home, marriage, and pursuing other interests. I had been a hard working salesman, very successful in my field, and financially secure. I was completely devastated by the situation. What was I to do? Where would I turn? Could my wonderful life, as I knew it, ever be put back together? As you can probably guess, here I am, at the helm of Pipe Dream, grinning from ear to ear. I have a beautiful woman by my side, I am at the helm of a strong seaworthy boat, and have a new world waiting to be discovered. As I look back, the beginning of my new life started off pretty rocky. For those of you who are or have been looking for a cruising mate, my story must be told.
During the sale of my house, I had a visit from my trusted CPA. After careful consideration of my financial situation and my state of mind, he gave me the best advice of my life. Quit my job, sell the house and everything I hold dear, buy a blue-water boat and get the hell out of Arizona. Acting on his advice, I quit my job, purchased “Pipe Dream”, a 40 ft. sloop, moved aboard, and took up residence in a marina.
The next task was to find a gal who would share my dream of cruising. I had a beautiful boat, had retired at 51, the prime of my life, was financially secure, and I was available. At the time I was sure that I had everything going for me. All I needed now was to find the perfect cruising mate. A piece of cake for someone with my credentials – or so I thought! In speaking for most men, we have all stood at the newsstands and browsed through travel and sailing magazines. On every page, there are beautiful women in string bikinis lying on the deck of some sail or power boat sunning themselves. Blond haired, blue eyed goddesses gazing at the sunset, sipping wine from cut glass goblets. I knew they were all waiting for my return to the sea. I stood on the docks at the marina and waited for their arrival. Boy, was I in for a surprise. Where were they? Maybe they had not heard that I was in town?
For the next few months, while preparing Pipe Dream for her voyage, I made myself available for the “girl of my dreams” to find me. I joined a single sailing organization, frequented many bars and clubs, and spent time at many social events. The only thing I seemed to come up with, were sore feet, and a more than occasional hangover. One afternoon at the marina, while working on my boat, a friend persuaded me to run a personal ad in a local sailing rag. With great doubts about my forthcoming success, I ran the following ad:
Looking for Soul mate
Divorced captain 51, looking for sail mate
slim, 40 to 55 years young, light drinking,
smoking OK, no drugs, Mexico cruise
fall of this year, possible long term relationship.

Much to my surprise, the e-mail responses began to pour in on a daily basis. I was receiving inquiries from all the western states, Texas, Florida, and Oklahoma. I knew, my prayers had been answered. Now it was time to respond to all the e-mails and try to narrow down the field. I realized the interview process would not be easy. I was truly not looking for an easy lay and a deck hand. I had my sights set for an attractive, slim, educated, polite, adventurous woman who loved to dance, socialize and sail the oceans.
The e-mails kept coming and I replied to each with sincerity. I would send my personal biography and pictures and I would request the responses to do the same. After many promising letters, and several return e-mails to each, I would try to arrange a face to face meeting. It needed to be a public place, somewhere a woman would feel safe. At my suggestion, we would usually meet at a mall for coffee, or in a bar or restaurant for a drink after work.
Before I go any further, let me clear up any questions you might have about me. My biography was not exaggerated in any way and it was true and concise. I was mildly attractive, full head of hair, no void spots, no gray, needed to lose about 10 lbs. etc. etc. The responses I received were, to say the least, slightly tainted, if not total lies. I can’t speak for all women but most of the gals who responded, described someone else other than themselves, or inadvertently forgot how much they had changed since their eighteenth birthday.
On my first meeting I traveled 70 miles inland to meet a girl about 30 years old. She could have been my daughter, she had neglected to tell me her age. She also forgot to tell me about her 9 year old son, which was ok, I like kids, but the 5 lb. parrot and the 80 lb. Alaskan Husky who all were expected to go along, were stretching it a bit.
I talked to another nice gal and arranged for a meeting at a local pub after work. We will call her Mary. Mary said it would be easy to spot her in a crowd. Look for a woman in a business suit, very shapely with nice legs. During our phone conversation, Mary also told me she was 52 and divorced for 10 years. Hurray, someone in my age group! I arrived 5 minutes early and the bar was empty. I looked up to the door and just as she had told me, a slender woman with nice legs entered, wearing a business suit. Still marveling at her shapely legs, my glance reached her face and I thought I must be mistaken, this woman looked like my grandmother!!! During our conversation she slipped and told me she had a 45 year old son. By my quick calculations, Mary must have had her son at the age of 7. Oops! We talked for a while and before I could escape gracefully, Mary had consumed three double scotches and several plates of appetizers. With my two beers, the bill and tip came to over $50! After that experience, I decided to meet women for coffee to try to cut my financial losses.
There was a gal from Oklahoma who wrote and said she wasn’t interested in going cruising with me, but she sent me several pictures of herself in the nude, slipping on a pair of foulies. Isn’t that special!!!
On another occasion, a gal arranged to meet me at a local mall for a cup of coffee. Let’s call her Betty. She was slightly plump, which was ok, and very, very, VERY busty, which was also ok. Betty seemed like a very pleasant person and also in search of someone for a relationship. During our conversation, she told me she was a very experienced sailor. Betty was raised and had learned to sail on the eastern seaboard. She told me that she was always in high demand during the opening day of race season. It seems everyone wanted Betty on their boat during opening day parade. She would walk to the bow of the boat, take off her bathing suit top, and bare all to the passing crowd. I tried to imagine her on the bow of Pipe Dream and began to chuckle. Just what I needed!! I bid farewell as fast as I could. I guess I am just too conservative.
On another venture, I took an attractive woman to dinner. During the second course of the meal we were relaying our likes and dislikes and we had begun to discuss favorite movies. She told me the greatest movie she had every seen, and her all time favorite was “Natural Born Killers”. Scenes of the movie “Palmyra Atoll”, where a cruising couple gets viciously slain on a deserted beach, flashed through my mind. Adios, I’m out of here. I love to cook and there are too many sharp knives on my boat for my comfort level.
There was the gal I met for coffee on a Sunday morning who had a 1/8 inch gap between her two front teeth. The gap didn’t bother me at all, but through many years of practice, I am sure, she had developed a noise made by sucking air back through the gap in her teeth every time she inhaled. It was kind of a whistling, sucking, high pitched sound. After listening to her for a while, I got so irritated by that noise that I wanted to slap her and scream “stop that”. I’m sure she had been working on perfecting this sound for a long time. I only lasted twenty minutes and I was gone.
At the beginning of my story I told you I was looking for a woman who was slim, I mentioned it in my ad. I must admit I am a very shallow person. The rendezvous I will always remember happened at a beach coffee house. Our meeting was arranged for 10:00AM and I arrived early. I got a cup of coffee and the morning paper and proceeded to sit out on the veranda to enjoy the sunny morning. All of a sudden, the sun disappeared and the sky turned dark. Instantly, I sat up in my chair. I fumbled for the weather section in the daily paper looking for a report on the solar eclipse I was witnessing. Finding nothing, I realized it was not an eclipse but my date arriving for coffee. She had to weigh 400 lbs. and was wearing a Mumu type dress with flowing panels of fabric that hung from three sides. As she entered, the wind picked up these panels to either exaggerate or confuse her size. When she climbed the two steps to the veranda, she literally blocked out the sun. As luck would have it, she didn’t drink coffee but a special herb tea which she carried in her purse. A cup of hot water was free! She was a pleasant conversationalist, but after fifteen minutes I bid farewell and ran to my vehicle like a fullback running for the goal line.
At the height of my search I was receiving e-mails from 50 women at a time. It became very confusing keeping track of our e-mail conversations. I had to purchase two accordion files and create a file on each woman. I was spending up to two or three hours every evening answering responses to my ad. After 6 months I had almost given up on finding my soul mate. One mid January evening, I arrived home after an evening out to the local pub with the boys. As always after returning home, I turned on my computer to check my mail. There, on my screen, was a response to my ad from someone with the strange name of Jutta. The E-mail read:
I would be interesting in coming sailing with you,
but how can you find any time for sailing with all
the drinking and smoking you do?

You need to remember, this search was very important to me. My answer to such a smart-ass response was:
I don’t own a boat, I have liquor bottles lashed
together with a pole and a sheet

As I found out later, she had friends visiting from Mexico, and after a farewell dinner and several margaritas, on a dare, she responded to my ad as a joke. As luck would have it we e-mailed for a month and met on the waterfront for coffee. She would not give me her address or phone number. After another month of e-mails I persuaded her to finally go out with me. It was my birthday and my grown kids and their cousins were coming to a barbecue in my honor. There is safety in numbers!! After that, we kept emailing and I kept asking her out for a date. She kept coming back with every excuse under the sun. I then decided to use a strategy I had learned in my sales career. Pull the boats into the harbor, fire all the guns at once and either score a win or turn tail and run. As a last resort, “going for broke”, can be the best strategy. My methodology worked. As you can probably guess, I got that date, we fell in love and have been cruising for the past two years. Last Valentine’s Day we got engaged at a Cruiser’s Dinner in Tenacatita Bay. To consummate the engagement and to not be out of character, the engagement ring I placed on her finger, was a rubber “o” ring from a new head rebuilding kit, which the next day I had to reclaim to repair the head. Remember, diamonds are forever but a rubber “o” ring only lasts part of a cruising season!
For those of you looking for your soul mate, don’t despair, there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Please take some advice from someone who knows.
Set a geographic limit on how far away you will answer responses. I didn’t limit mine and I was answering e-mails hundreds of miles away. The persons answering your ad are usually sincere no matter what their physical and personality attributes are. Treat them with respect, and don’t hurt their feelings. I never did!! Be honest about your physical appearance, likes and dislikes, and please don’t fudge too much on your age. Remember, someday you hope to meet that person, face to face. The road seems rocky but don’t give up. Perseverance is the key to success.
Well it’s 4:00AM and my watch is over. I have taken the GPS readings and plotted our course on the chart. Paco, the autopilot, has things under control. It’s time to wake Jutta for her next watch.

From the decks of Pipe Dream
Ferdy and Jutta